Resolving Conflict and Understanding Fear

I once sat in a workshop given by Joel Curtis from Scentsy Corporate at a boot camp for directors.  I particularly found his workshop to be quite enlightening.

He informed us that the root of all problems in relationships is fear.  He told us all fear is the fear of one thing, which he waited to the end of the workshop to reveal what the "one thing" was.

He stated that fear makes you vulnerable.

Part of our brain (Amygdala) is set up to save and protect us from anything threatening.  When we are threatened, this Amygdala causes us to act:

1. to fight
2. to flee
3. to freeze

Everyone has their own reality.  Everyone has their view.  No one wants to be wrong.  If we are right, we have feelings of belonging.  If we are wrong, then we don't feel accepted.  Men usually experience stronger emotions, but are able to sustain or hold onto their emotions much longer than women.

If we want to create value in conversation, we need to recognize other's fear and worth.  There is something loveable in every person, look for it and recognize.  Discover their "view".  Listen, learn and understand.  Clarify events, and validate their feelings.  Find where your "views" intersect, where you share the same purpose.  Explore possibilities for achieving shared purpose.  Agree to direction and path that you can get to your goals.

Additional thoughts from Johna Johnson:

Create a vision to set goals in place to ensure your goals happen.
Have a dream or vision.
Goals are attainable when they are written down.
Goals are achieved by moving forward with tiny baby steps.  Each day moving forward.

FEAR STOPS OUR GOALS

Make S M A R T  goals

S     Specific (be very specific and detailed)
M    Measurable goals
A     Acceptable  (must be acceptable to you)
R     Realistic
T     Timebound  (set a deadline or a date to achieve)

Finally, the "one thing" that fear boils down to is......... the fear of being alone.   When we come into conflict with others, take time to look deep inside and try to understand what is causing the fear.  Try to be understanding, create goals to help overcome this fear, and validate each person.  You are not the only one right. 

Have a great day resolving conflicts!